mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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