Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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