I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
