My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
