Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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