this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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