I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
