I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
