they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
