I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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