Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
