Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Four minutes until I can fart!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i've created a new STD.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
send nudes
from the living room?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
