I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
