It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I need water and some morals
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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