So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
