The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize