i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
