Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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