we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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