Ketchup is God's man juice
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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