so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
