Your mouth is God's brothel.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
