R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
