Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
