i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize