How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
stop calling my apartment porn island.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
