if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
