Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
