my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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