So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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