I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
