So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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