I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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