fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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