she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am midnight drunk by noon
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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