Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
