You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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