I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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