What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
