i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Small penises have feelings too.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
