Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
