I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
