You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
