it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
