Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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