If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Vodka?
Forever.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
