We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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