anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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