just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
