You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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