Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
