Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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