i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
