Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
