what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
