I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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