I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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