Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
