Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
