the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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