I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
