I understand Curling. That high.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
