I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
