great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
