so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
