just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize