genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The best revenge is premature balding
no you cant smoke seaweed
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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