Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
