so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
