just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
