I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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