Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
