your thong is hanging out like whoa
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
