She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
be right there i have to get my cape
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
