i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Green mimosas i think yes
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
