girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
