you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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