Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
