he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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