You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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