sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
