Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
