lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
