You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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