just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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