If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
