I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We're too hungover to prance.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
