I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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