I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
