Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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