Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I understand Curling. That high.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
