i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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