I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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