I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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