If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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